Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Attitude Adjustment

I need an attitude adjustment. Seriously, I do. See the above picture? Yeah, I get to inject myself with that pretty little pen everyday...twice a day. When I was fifteen I was diagnosed with a female endocrine disorder. Boo. The specialist I was seeing at the time told me that along with the disorder often comes something called Insulin Resistance. After undergoing some tests, I soon found out that I most definitely was Insulin Resistant and my life hasn't been the same since. Three years ago my doctor recommended that I start taking Byetta, it's a shot I give myself twice a day when I eat. Of course I was terrified to give myself a shot twice a day, but I knew it's what I had to do. It has truly been a miracle drug for me. It has worked wonders and is exactly what my body needed. For that, I am truly thankful.

Here's where I need an attitude adjustment. My doctor warned me Byetta could cause severe nausea, so I should be prepared. She told me that most patients get use to it after a couple of months and are fine. Ugh, I wish that was me. From the first time I gave myself my first injection until now, I have always been nauseous. Every time I take the shot I am nauseous for about 2 hours. Thankfully, I very rarely throw up. However, recently I have been struggling more with the nausea. It has been crippling. AND I have had a major attitude about it lately. Normally, I'm fine. I know it's what I have to deal with it and I do. Lately though, it's just felt like too much. I have been getting more nausea and it's lasting for hours upon hours. Today I was in the deodorant aisle at Target and I almost lost my lovely Caesar salad from Panera Bread which I had enjoyed an hour before with my darling Husband. I literally sprinted to the bathroom! All I could think about was the embarrassment I would face if I spewed in the middle of Target. No thanks. This has happened before...I go through phases where I am more sick and eventually it ceases. I am praying this will happen soon. I am ashamed to admit that I have just been Miss. Attitude lately. I have repeatedly told Tyler over the last few weeks, "I'm done! I hate this! This isn't fair! I'm 24, I shouldn't have to deal with this!" That's not the attitude I want to have. I know there are so many sick and hurting people in this world, and what I deal with is incredibly minuscule compared to their pain and sickness. Sometimes it is just hard to remember. My prayer is that when I am feeling miserable, I will remember to pray for all the suffering people in this world.

I know God will never give me more than I can handle. He has promised that to all of us. I truly desire to praise God no matter what the situation. For the last 9 years he has allowed me to endure a lot, but he has never left me. Recently I read this during one of my devotional times:

"God designed you to be whole and complete, what every part of your life interconnects with his love and his plan."

Insulin resistance and all that comes with it is part of God's plan for my life. I don't quite understand it...I really don't understand it at all. It doesn't seem fair. Tyler reminded me just last night that one day it will all make sense. Right now, I sometimes can't see beyond the terrible nausea I am facing. I dread injecting myself twice a day. However, I refuse to succumb to having an attitude. No, no, no. I will trust that God knows what's best for me.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not in your own understanding."
-Proverbs 3:5

1 comment:

  1. Oh girl :( I had no idea you had all that was on your mind and something you have had to deal with. When I first hopped on your blog I totally thought that was something esle...:)
    I need to send you links about blogging...I'll do that tomorrow k :)
    Oooo, and I DID get the Pioneer Woman cook book, we need to talk cooking together :)